It’s been a weird week. As a single divorcee mom sometime I’ll have these days that I start to feel overwhelmed with all of my to do’s as a mom, entrepreneur, sister, and daughter.
As we are getting ready to leave my parent’s house to go home I tell the boys “ I’m ready to go home!”
Asar replies “ I’m not ready to go yet!” and I don’t reply. I just begin to gather my things together and sit down at the kitchen counter. Zavier gets up from his seat at the counter and sits by me and places his hand on my arm and asks “ Are you having a bad day? Do you need a hug?” I replied “ My day is fine. I just want to go home.” He tells me “ Ok.” and then tells Asar “Mommy is ready to go. Come one!”
Once we get home and we’re going into the house Zavier says “ Mommy I’m going to my room so you can have time to yourself. You seemed stressed out.”
As I watch both of my boys go up the stairs I’m in awe that my little boy with Autism Spectrum Disorder who could not empathize a year ago is now honing into how I feel by my body language and tone. It’s also a moment to check in with myself because obviously my behavior indicates I’m stressed.
I tend to go, go, go until my tells start to show up. Just like when you play poker with someone and you’re looking for that tell (indicator) they are bluffing. That’s how I view my anxiety. Anxiety is a sneaky thing because it creeps up on you slowly and weaves into your unconscious. My anxiety tells are irritation, frustration, not dealing with the smallest things, and the biggest one of all is when my anxiety has gone unchecked for too long I start to think about dying.
I take a breathe and I ask myself “What’s going on with you?” and proceed to breathe deeply for a count of 5, hold that breathe for 5 counts, and exhale for a count of five for five rounds. This is a form of meditative breathing. Real talk, meditation has been a challenge for me. It’s the whole being still thing. But my therapist introduced me to mindfulness which I use with breathing techniques.
The next time your childn(ren) asks you “ Mommy Are You Okay?” Take a minute and breathe and asks yourself “ What’s wrong?” Self-Check In’s will change your life. Let me know if you’ve tried check-ins or are you currently using them?